Helping Couples Heal, The ERCEM Way

As an APSATS Certified Betrayal Trauma Coach, I have found that most partners want to stay married after betrayal, but often they don’t have the right help, each only focusing on their own healing. In my opinion, betrayal trauma is a couples issue and there must be some sort of treatment plan specifically geared towards healing the broken relationship. My ERCEM training was above and beyond what I could have expected in terms of using real life, common sense solutions. Carol Sheets is a genius when it comes to knowing what needs to be done to help the couple heal. I utilize her tools and exercises with every one of my couples and the results are amazing.

Tiffany Comiskey, ACC, CPC

Betrayal Trauma Specialist  

Joshua: 

One of my biggest struggles when I first came into recovery for sex addiction was the sense of helplessness, self-loathing and shame I felt for the pain and trauma I caused my wife.  When I asked people in my 12-Step program how I could heal our marriage, they just told me "come to meetings, get a sponsor, and do the Steps".   The Program is about giving up a life based on selfishness, self-centeredness, lying and taking from others, and replacing it with one based on honesty, giving, and a spirit of kindness, patience, tolerance and love towards others.  

The Exercises in the ERCEM model are a guidebook in how to do just that.  They focus on rigorous honesty through taking responsibility for my actions; surrendering self-centeredness, by focusing on and acknowledging what my wife is thinking and feeling; and on kindness and patience through calm words, voice tone, eye contact, and acknowledgement of her pain.   Applying these tools has not "fixed" our marriage, but it has shown me that there are concrete actions I can take to move us towards healing.

Melanie: 

The exercises my husband and I have done while working with Carol using ERCEM have had such a positive impact on our healing journey.  I believe our communication has improved because we are learning to express our needs in a healthy way, and learning how to tune in, hear and validate one another.  With Carol's guidance, my husband read a letter he wrote to his addiction that was so profound I felt overwhelming compassion for his struggles.  I believe using the tools in this model will not only save our marriage but restore it to something greater than it ever was before.